But seriously, I get tired of the finger-wagging when I’m not doing anything wrong. Crossing guards don’t like me as a pedestrian or as a driver, because I insist on the significantly lower standards of “what’s legal” and “what’s reasonable and proper,” as opposed to their dictatorial mandates, which are more along the lines of “how much can I make you do.”

This morning, we turned the corner near my daughter’s elementary school. This corner is a half block from the crossing guard, who stands at the next corner. Since we were coming off a full stop at the turn, we never approached 15 mph. But from the moment I turned, the guard was blowing her whistle full steam and shaking her hand at me to stop. As we got closer to the actual crosswalk, I could see she was also furrowing her eyebrows and generally giving me the evil eye. Since I was slowing from my already turtle pace to stop, I have no idea why. We actually knew the people crossing the street, and my pedestrian friend and I shrugged our shoulders at each other.

I get into trouble with the other crossing guard at school pretty frequently as well. Seems that when I’m a pedestrian, I insist on crossing the street when no cars are coming — but she hasn’t yet noticed that I want to cross, or that it’s safe to do so, or stepped into the street to “help” me with her ever-present whistle. That doesn’t make her happy.

I am sure this is actually a challenging job at times. There are kids who dash into the street. There are cars that literally zoom through the school zone. But I drive the same way to school at the same time every day. We’ve had the same crossing guards for several months now, after a lot of turnover last school year. And in general, are moms in minivans your problem drivers? I don’t get the anger at a driver and sometime pedestrian who’s not doing anything wrong or dangerous. Shouldn’t you save it for the person who barrels by at 23 or something?