I originally published this in September 2006. I re-read it tonight and it’s still my best work on what that day meant to me at the time.
So on 9/11, the real one, I was in DC. I was watching CNN when the first plane hit the WTC, and all the news anchors thought it was a Cessna. That was what they kept saying, over and over again. "This looks like a Cessna." And they talked about the time a plane hit the Empire State building. And I thought, man, that is weird, how a plane can just hit a building, like nothing. And I flipped off the TV and rolled my suitcase downstairs and checked out of the hotel.
I was on a business trip with my boss at the time and two clients. Three of us stood around in the lobby forever, waiting on Linda. And when she finally came down, she said, "Another plane hit the other tower." And none of us believed her, of course. We spent five minutes arguing with her until our car came from the valet, and we all got in and we turned on NPR, and then we all shut up real fast and we rode into DC from Pentagon City in silence.
Since that’s where we were riding in from, we drove right by the pristine Pentagon.
By the time we got to our destination, 15 or 20 minutes later, parked our car in a garage and walked into the office building, our colleagues there were telling us about the Pentagon being hit. The same one we just drove by.
Well then it was obvious we wouldn’t be having any meetings that day. Fortunately, everyone at the office there has a TV, so we stood around for quite some time watching the news. Then [the office is four blocks from the White House] someone decided there was another plane headed for Washington, and we should evacuate to the basement. Now, this did not sound like a good idea to us Nashville folks. So experienced in emergency management. Also perhaps a bit claustrophobic. And a little more unlikely to do what we’re told, apparently. [I actually remember very distinctly a conversation between two DC folks I knew there, one questioning whether it was wise to go to the basement, should something happen to the building. The other, a military veteran, said, "You'll go where they tell you to go." That was immediately before the Nashville people instead went outside.]
So the four of us, and some others, hung about outside for an hour? 30 minutes? — I have no idea any more — anxiously watching for rogue planes. They had locked us out of the building. Like we were the terrorists or something.
Eventually they decided that it was OK for us to come back in, so we did, and everyone was allowed back from the basement.
By that point, though nothing was official, it was clear we weren’t flying anywhere that day and probably not the next, so we started talking about driving home. [Side note: I am not sure I have ever discussed this day in such detail since its immediate aftermath, and now, writing all this out, my chest is getting tight and I am really having trouble focusing. At the time, I would have told you I was not stressed out. And until right now, I have said that it was not particularly stressful, that I had no sense at all of actually being in any danger. More on that in a minute.]
So we got in the car, incredibly grateful that we’d even gotten a rental on this trip, since we normally didn’t. Apparently Linda went out to get her bag from Reagan. I had forgotten about that part until she said it today. I just remember driving out past the smoking, smoldering Pentagon, a massive, gaping crater in the side, where just hours before it had looked so normal that you barely noticed it.
Another aside: Never, ever take a two-day road trip under incredibly stressful conditions with people who hate road trips, even if you really like those people.
Also: It is possible to get sick of NPR on a two-day road trip when that’s all there is to listen to and all they’re saying is how the world is pretty much coming to an end.
Although: No matter what, Virginia is always a beautiful state to drive through.
So we got home and I have never, ever been so glad to see the rental car terminal at Nashville International. Not ever.
After it was over, I really didn’t think I’d been through that much except a long road trip and a sucky day. I mean, the people who lost someone, they went through something. They still are. Me, that was nothing.
It wasn’t until weeks later that someone said something that made me stop and think a bit. They said, you know, they think Flight 93 was headed for Washington. Those people may have saved your life.
I immediately dismissed that. Well of course the people on 93 are heroes. I didn’t doubt that for a minute. But not in relation to me. Frankly I thought it was a bit narcissistic to think I had anything to do with it.
Over time, I’ve started to think about it a bit differently. I’ve always had trouble accepting a gift. It’s so much easier to give than to receive; many of us would say the same. And I think, deep down, I don’t want it to be the case that Flight 93 was destined for anywhere near me. How large a burden would that be, to know that someone died in saving your life? Of course, there’s no way to know, and certainly they wouldn’t have been aiming for the office building I was in. There was definitely no high-profile national security target there.
But I have come to accept that it wasn’t nothing.